More Toilet Humor

For the past few days I have been debating in my head about whether or not I should blog about this incident. The reason is because I have been considering whether or not I should share this blog with my family and turn this into a "Syrah in Sing" (Singing Syrah?? - yikes, that just makes my ears bleed thinking about it) PG rated narration of my life o'er here in the Far far East. (Not that this blog is very scandalous as is, but I would rather they didn't know about some of my escapades). Anyway, I decided against the fam blog for now, so you will all benefit from this decision by reading about my latest bathroom adventure...

Sat night after meeting up with a few new pals for a drink, 50%Jay and I hop in a cab and ask the driver to "takeussomewherefun. wheretheactionis." (Like I said, we had been drinking.) He drops us off in a neighborhood filled with bars that neither of us had ventured into before. We spent some time in a very amusing Las Vegas themed hole in the wall (apropriately named Las Vegas) listening to the locals sing karaoke. We were def the only foreigners there and I definitely didn't blend in. (Side note on blending: I can def do the white girl bit. I can pull off the latina thing occasionally. And once I was even mistaken for a Jordanian actress (that was exciting), but I cannot pass for Asian whatsoever.) Anyway, that bar is worth a whole different post in itself, but it set the mood for us feeling very Lost in Translation when we left after a few beers.

We walked down the street and went into what appeared to be an Irish pub filled with people dancing. We went up to the bar and ordered a few drinks. And then I noticed that there were a lot of women in the bar. A lot. And only a few men.
Like enough to count on one hand. And the women were all local. And the men were all caucasian. And then I told 50%J that I thought we were in a hooker bar. (Prostitution is legal here.) He didn't believe me until I pointed out the girls reflected in the mirror upstairs giving a lap dance and the drunk guy trying to make out with a woman who would not let him kiss her. But, I think the icing on the cake was when one of the girls ran her hand down my shoulder while saying "Hi sister...". 50%J and I grabbed our drinks and sat on some stools against the wall and observed the scene. After I finished my beer, I got up to go to the bathroom. I opened the door and it was a room with a sink and a toilet and on the toilet was a woman. I apologized and shut the door quickly, but not before I noticed that she was just sitting on the toilet (with her pants up) talking on the phone. Less than 10 seconds later she opens the door and I brush past her. She shuts the door, but never leaves the bathroom. And she is still on the phone. She is leaning against the sink looking into the mirror, very engrossed in her conversation. She doesn't seem to care that I am there, so my first thought is: well I have done this plenty of times when linda and quasi and slice were in the room, so I decide to not care that she is there. My second thought is: that door is unlocked still. I lean across her, lock the door, squat, and pee. She's not fazed in the slightest and there is no break in her convo. I pull up my jeans, wash my hands, and go tell 50%J all about my latest potty adventure of peeing in front of a prostitute.

Mary Poppins Lives in my Elevator

Here in S'pore (this is how the locals abbreviate it) I have noticed two things about the elevators: 1. they all have tv monitors either in them or right outside to entertain you while you wait the whole minute for it to arrive or while you ride the whole 30 seconds to your stop and 2. they talk.

The elevators in my hotel have a female british voice that does the narration, which is along the lines of, "Second storey, going up." This voice was so familiar to me, but I couldn't figure out why. Finally it dawned on me - she sounds exactly like Julie Andrews. Now I have to stop myself from giggling whenever I hear her, because I have started to expect her to say, "Fifth storey, going down, just like a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down..."

I have a friend!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, your's truly has her first friend in Singapore! He's actually an American. I'll call him Jay. We have been emailing for a bit, but he arrived here on Saturday. So we hung out then and also yesterday. He's a cool guy. It's funny, our lives were running parallel for a while, but on a one week delay. He just took a position here also, for a different American company. His job is going to entail 50% travel, so I have taken to referring to him a part-time friend. Part-time Jay. (Some of you may remember part-time Bill of 'betes camp fame. Heh.) It turns out that we have a mutual acquaintance. The world is small indeed. Anyway, I am excited about my new pal and just wanted to share it with all of you.

Hol[e]y Crap

I would like to start this post by saying that I love Singapore. It is a phenomenal city and I think I am going to truly enjoy being here. That being said, here is a little story from my first few days here:

So our office takes up half of the 9th floor in our building. The other half is another US company. There are no bathrooms located in our suite, only in the common area between the two offices. There is both an executive women's and executive men's bathroom and then a normal bathroom for men and one for women. Being the high-powered cool executive that I am under the illusion of being, I used only the executive (which just means single-stall) bathroom for the first few days I was here. Well, one day I decided to branch out and use the other bathroom. I walked in and saw, two stalls, one of which was handicapped. Ever since seeing a hilarious Seinfeld episode probably 10 years ago involving a handicapped stall, I have generally used regular stalls if they are available. So, I push open the regular stall door, and what do I see... A HOLE IN THE GROUND. No joke. There was no toilet...well there was sort of a toilet flush (heh) against the floor with two foot spots next to it. I didn't stick around long enough to figure out the mechanics of it all. First, I went outside to double check that I was in the women's room (I was) and then I quickly used
the handicapped stall and high-tailed it out of there...I will let you know if I discover more about this mystery.